hao

i have always been a “calculative person”, going along with the odds. should i go against it this time?

its so not me……. hmm…

今天早上，当我起来时，我妈在跟马来人说话。妈问，：“阿bee ，黄山英文这么讲”？我很认真地回答，：“yellow mountain”。然后，妈又问：“那美国这么讲”？。那当然是 beautiful country lah!!!! 

Hohohohohohoho   (-_-)”

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Scars make us stronger for life

it all depends on light,

on the way light reveals things.

it all depends on form,

on contours,

on interpolations and

on doubts.

It all depends as well

on our being marked by time,

on the spaces giving us the headlines.

The true problem is choosing whether

to pursue the shadows

or to let ourselves be pursued by them.

there is a strange "to be or not to be"

in this half being,

in this half not being:

To emerge from the shadows

or to perpetuate them.

And at the deepest level of the abyss,

after liberating others,

all those who are others,

to remember

without urgency,

that we are the prisoners.

And thereby ….

to liberate ourselves.

Just came back from my uncle’s funeral. I dont feel good.

People gather when these kind of occasions occurs. be it wedding or funeral.

guess i should be grateful just to be alive.

poets often describe love as an emotion that we cant control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense.

i have been rushing projects and accounts these past few weeks. Its really drain me.  Its never easy to work as a team to finish task. People have differernt ideas and views and its so hard to do a good project with little interaction. I learn alot about myself and knoe and understand more of differernt types of people. I find that i like to get straight to the pt and is quite technical. i dun like to waste time toking too much. and i am not patient at all and i am not a good listener. . i can be quite stuborn with my way of thinking.

i always hav this theory to tackle qns. It is to understand the question, hav the relevent knowlegde and knoe how to apply the knowledge. sometimes i feel that when there is too much discussion, it is not healthy at all. no action is taken.

I hav to say that i benefit alot from doing all these projects. my personal fav is the "game theory" which is link to the nash equilibrium by John nash.

These past weeks are really terrible for me. i feel so pissed and trouble on issue with my ex, family and friends and i have been sick for these few days. sian…  i hav been having problem in sleeping after all these overnights. even now that i had taken a sleeping pill, i cant slp. lol.   

i dun understand…. i really dun….. and i think i never will really understand people. they are so unpredictable… so deep….

i wanna mark this day.

a car drove out from a junction while i was speeding (rushing for tution). i hit it and fly abit like superman… ( i believe i can fly)  hohohoho….

its pretty irony that i had just warned tong yesterday that he cycles dangerously….